NEW STORY:) // "Update"

So I guess I should update you on my life.
I have a feeling not so much is happening lately, you know, since I my last semester has ended. I felt like I was left alone to think and really think. And left alone to make me dream about a life that is more than this island-life.
But now I'm thinking about it, (that's what they wanted, wasn't it?) I have a pretty interesting life. Different variations of crazy things, that I never dared to dream of:
Swimming with dolphins, exploring the rain forest and skinny dipping at a full moon. Those things aren't exactly the things a 'small-town-girl' would normally do, but let's just say I consider myself lucky.
Lucky to be stuck on this island. Lucky to be done with school. Lucky to have no clue of what to do with my life. Lucky to speak sarcasm fluently. And lucky to have plenty of time to figure out who I am and want to be, since I'm on my own so much.

So life on an island can be pretty lonely sometimes, because the few friends I have, live on the Main Land, which is across the small bit of the Black Ocean that separates the island from the rest of the world.
So, it's all about the people on the island. To be better friends with. Apart from my little brother, Tyler, and Sophia of course, who has been my friend since we were little. But she's gone for about 300 days of the year, at least that's what it feels like. Because she takes classes on the Main Land for her Independent Studies. She's learning about different cultures and languages.
I wanted to attend a course about Human Recourse and Skills Development, but of course I got lucky and I couldn't start, because there weren't enough people who signed up for the course. So I decided to wait a year and stay home. So I could explore some more island, and do stuff I wouldn't normally do, like sleep in the Green Forest and hunt on wild life.

To give you a clue of what this all looks like: the island is about 250 kilometers long, so you could cross it in a day, by car, that would be. But it's not very likely, because there isn't a road that leads you from one point on the island to the other.
And it's about 100 kilometers wide, which would take about 2 hours. But not here, no. Not on this island. In the south, about a hundred kilometers wide, in the middle, is a big forest. A rain forest, which is called the Green Forest. Behind that a beautiful beach, called the Blue Bay. In the east we have some more forest. But lets say it's a bit more accessible. It's the more go-to / school-trip kind of 'jungle'. It's pretty awesome though. It's called The Growling Trees, don't ask why some one gave it that name.
Then in the west we have the beautiful Kind Mountains, that make our skyline.
And in the north we have The Fields. There's where all the people work and get their food and things.
I live in the west. At the foot of the Kind Mountains and within the reach of the Green Forest. My dad works at The Fields and my mom has a little store there. So I'm left alone at home a lot of the time. The island community isn't very big, and since I've lived on this island for all my life, I figured I knew everybody. Because as a child I was at The Fields a lot with my parents, like everyone else. But that wasn't the truth.
My next door neighbor lives about 5 kilometers away, but still. I have a feeling we're pretty close, all together.
And yet today, I met someone, when I was trying to figure out how to build a sleeping fort on the edge of the Green Forest.

His name is Jonathan. He's tanned, has the biceps of .. someone who did a lot of work outs. Gorgeous green eyes, freckles every where and long, curly, brown hair.
His appearance obviously made a huge impression on me, and believe me: I've met some weird, nice, beautiful and crazy people on this island.
But him.. I'd never him seen before.
From what he told me, I figured he'd lived on this island all his life as well. He turned out to be the son of the dolphin-headmaster. I was so surprised I'd never seen him before. I went swimming with the dolphins down at the Blue Bay a lot, after I was done at school.
But hey, everyday is a new adventure on this island. That's what my granddad used to say. Meeting new people always fascinates me. And he.. he was the crown juwel.
But not entirely within my reach. I asked my dad about him and he told me Jonathan didn't really have a good name. He did some bad stuff and even got picked up by the islands-guardians.
Which I should probably tell you a little bit about.
Untill now, this probably sounded all pretty normal.
Well, our island-guardians.. They are ------------

I used to think I would spent these days being crazy with Sophia, she would be the wise one and tell me all these made up stories and I would listen to them and think of a moral. So we could teach our little brothers and sisters.
And we could figure out away we'd raise our own children, when, of course, the time was there for us.
Some times I would just lay in the grass and think. I would see the clouds toss and turn, I would feel the warm rain come down on my skin, and I'd wonder. Wonder what it's like to be away from all this and there would be an ache in my heart. It would really hurt to think about that, because in all the years I lived here, the island never did anything wrong. It was always me.
Or it was never any of us, because we would just play in the hills and scream at the mountains and they would scream back at us, for not wanting to see us cry.

I always had this one wish to lay here with Sophia and see the dandelions fill The Fields and see the workers climb up the hills to get all the sheep together. I wish we could wish together, and now I am just alone.
The mountains still scream back at me, because I tried. But not like they used to. Just like me, they lost a voice. And I feel like I lost my best friend.

A new day was coming up with the sun and I closed one eye, against the brightness. I quickly shove down some cereal and grab a pack of crackers from the counter.
Today was the day of a new made up adventure. Because, you know, that's what I do. I make up my own adventures and fantasize about them. So that they seem to come true in my head. But in real life I just had a long walk up into the mountains. The usual thing;  running away from facing all the crap that's going on, down in The Fields. Like my parents having not enough money. And my little brother, who almost got kicked out of school, again, for yelling at the headmaster.
And me? I just don't seem to make it any better myself. Except for my job at the Dolphin Bay, where I recently got hired, I'm not doing very well as a responsible adult-to-be.
Running away and such. It's not what people are used to here on the island.

About time that I introduced myself, isn't it? Oh, wait. There's Jonathan. I probably will go and take a break now. We were supposed to have lunch and go hiking this afternoon, but Keith, Jonathan's father and owner of the Dolphins Bay, asked us to take care of the messy shore and so we really couldn't say no.
"Heya Maya!"
"Hi Jonna."


YAY:) To be continued. xxxxxxxxxxx

RAGE // I think

You know what?
I'm not doing this anymore.
I'm not taking this any longer.
I'm done.
You hear me?
It's enough.
You're there with your handsome face and hands and smile and coat.. and EVERYTHING.
And you're just ruining it all.

I hate you for that.

So, it's over.

I'm Abelia Ravenwood.
You're currently reading Abelia 2.0 
And 
it's OVER.


Good day, sir.

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Okay. So, let's say that this was me the other day. Full of rage and disgrace .. because of .. him.

Wow. It's over already. Well that was easy.
I just bumped into you the other day.. And well, been there done that.
Thank you for making it so easy, mister.

/////////////////////////////


I don't know what this is. But I thought that I would just post it, because .. I don't know.
Here is it.

Whatevess.

Introduction I guess //

I know this is called Abelia 2.0.
But please, don't call me Abelia. Call me Abby or Elly. Or whatever.
I guess only my granddad calls me Abelia.
And my high school Arts teacher.
Well.. he wrote it on a paper.

Anyways.

I am Abelia Ravenwood.
You're currently reading Abelia 2.0
And this is my life.

So I was very busy with my life. I was trying to study. Attempting to write some sort of book. And, well .. trying to get everything sorted.
And than he showed up..
Well, you know, he didn't really show up so much, it's more that I almost accidentally bumped into him, while I was trying to find some sort of topic to write an 4000 words essay on, on my phone.
So, yep. I dropped my phone. He was so shocked. (This guy, not my phone) He looked me in  the eye.
You hear me? He looked me in my big dark green eyes. He smiled. Than looked very panicked. Picked up my phone and books that had fallen out of my bag.
He mumbled a lot of 'sorry's' and 'are you okay's' and 'so sorry's' and what more.
I said I was fine and by no means I didn't even look at my stuff or my phone, I just saw 'HIM'.
Yes, my big green eyes were so focused on this .. this .. person. That it didn't even occurred to me that my phone might be shattered in to pieces.

Ohh you know, not my entire phone, but the front and the back..
I was trying to remember him.
And than I did.
But unfortunately, he didn't. Or maybe I should say: fortunately..
I'm not really sure.

Anyway! He checked again, if I really was okay. And 'I was' so 'there was no need to worry'.
Men, did I really get that many words out of my mouth.
So much for being overwhelmed.

Okay. So, he passed me. He looked over his shoulder and flashed me his ridiculous, gorgeous smile. And that was it.

I stood there.. No knowing what to do.

You probably wonder.. who is this 'person' you are talking about, Abby.
Well, my dearest reader, I am going to give you more details about that laterrr.

I had a very deep and long video chat with my sister. Because she knows him. And I needed, not so much her advise, but inside information on whats-his-face.
And I KNEW she could give me that.

But she was to busy blabbering about her own happiness and love called: Pippin.
I know right.
What kind of parent names his child 'Pippin'?!

Anywayss.. how do I get off topic so fast?
I really got to go now.
I have soo muuch stuff to do.

I am Abelia Ravenwood
And you're reading Abelia 2.0
(More on that later)
BYYEEEE

Believe me, it will all make sense later. //

I have no freaking idea how to start this letter. So I’m just going to start writing, without a proper 'hello', if you don’t mind.
Gosh, why am I so well mannered?

Ok. Whatever, just read this.

You remember when I told you that story, the other night.

It was something true. It was my truth. The only truth.

And I don’t know what to do.

And the truth is..

That’s all I have. No clue.

Weird isn’t it? That thing that we have. (Or should I say 'had') I mean, not that there is anything between us. But you know.. We talk(ed) and smile(d) and do(did) crazy things together. Like we(’)re two 10 year-olds.
Well, I don’t know about you, but you make me smile. (Or let’s say ‘made’ me smile) And the other way around, I have no clue.
Again. No clue. 

Because you, my dearest friend, make no sense to me whatsoever.

I haven’t seen you in, what? 2 years. I haven’t heard from you in the exact same number of years and I haven’t spoken to you in.. well, 2 and a half years.

So explain to me, please, while you’re reading is letter; please, explain to me: what the heck went wrong? And why the heck aren’t we together anymore, like those 10 year olds we used to be. Or let me say: 19 and 20 year-olds.

You remember my birthday right? I hope you at least remember that. It’s in a few days and I’m turning 22.

Gosh, I feel so old.

You made me a promise, young man. You made me a promise. You looked me in the eye, winked at me and made me a promise.
A promise you broke and a promise that still means a lot to me.

Okay, I will say that I can kind of be somewhat of a stalker. I’ve been kind of following you.
No, no. Not like really following. More like: checking your Facebook, showing up at the diner; you know, the one that you get coffee every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday? Yes, that diner. I kind of live very close to that diner. And I see you getting coffee there. I sometime come there to, you know, write… Because that’s what I do.

Oh wait, I gave this letter to Mr. Follow, the owner of the diner. You got this letter from him, hopefully.
If you didn’t than, this is not good..

Anyway! Moving on. I promise (again with the promises) that I’m not really stalking you, I’m just checking up on you every once in awhile.

Damn you, technology. I don’t want to check up on you. My mind just does. Just to make sure you’re okay.

Okay. I realize, I sound waaaayy creepy now. I’m so so sorry!

I really am.

Or am I? Because one of us needs to be sorry to. And it’s not me. Not this time.

Do you ever remember me?

Let’s just end this now.

That story, about the truth.

It’s the truth.
So, whatever.
Do with it what you want. Just keep your freaking promise.

Goodbye.
I guess.

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Oh wait!

I am Abelia Ravenwood
And you're reading Abelia 2.0

A beautiful soul. //

You’re a beautiful soul, Abelia.

I’ve just stared at those words for so long. Thinking it through over and over again. Feeling like doing stuff, but not sure what. This time really believing I could do it. I could write for the world to be changed. But directly after that, feeling like I would just let myself down. I was imagining things and over-thinking again and again.

Unstoppable. 
That’s the word I was looking for. I wasn’t able to stop. And I wasn’t planning to.

A beautiful soul.

What does that mean?

Speaking about mean. I am Abelia Ravenwood.

(Which has absolutely nothing to do with ‘mean’.)

Frances Mason Abelia. The plant I was named after. Which make my scientific name to be: Abelia x grandiflora 'Frances Mason'. (Google it, it really does exist) My full name: Frances Mason Abelia Greenery Ravenwood. Yes, I really am named after a plant. A low, densely branched plant. With green glossy leaves. And the occasionally soft pink, trumpet-shaped flowers in summer.

Forgive me, I really have no idea why I have such an earthy name.

And by the way, most people who speak to me, call me Abby anyway.

Let’s move on. What else is there to know.

22 years old university student. I study creative writing.

On the subject of CW (Creative Writing)

Although I think it’s supposed to be some sort of weird mind-fucking theory about getting your hopes up and fast grammatical understanding, I think it’s mostly crap.

Accept for the fact that I get to write a ton of stuff  - again the stuff - and I get to read a lot of books. Which I love. So, that should be good, huh? Well, it is.

Sort of.

The people on uni are interesting, yet very kind. So that makes me want to be kind. So that’s what I do when I’m out in the crowd.

Being kind.

Beautiful.

Whatever it is.. I hope you understand, if I say it’s quite an effort to get something to be beautiful. As we will now take a look at myself. I used to not think I was beautiful all the time. All the time.
I was this .. girl. I wasn't happy with my height. Way to tall for all the boys in my surrounding. I had to many belly- and upper-leg fat. At least that was what I thought.. every now and then.

I only liked my face. I have beautiful eyes. There’s that word again.

And I kind of like my choice of clothing.

So that’s a good thing.

I knew what I wanted for a very long time. By the time I turned 19, which now is a little bit over a year ago, I had no clue of what I wanted.

Let alone say that I knew who I was or who I was going to be in the nearby-future.
So .. that’s awesome.

Let’s say I felt weird reading these words. Written by someone as close as your high school Arts teacher. Which in my case it was. My Arts teacher, mr. McGillian, wrote this on the back sheet of the last paper I had to turn in about some Ancient Greek building. Honestly  I can’t even remember what I’d written in that paper.

Just these words.

I ripped the paper out and took it with me.

And now, a little over 5 years later, not even remembering what that paper was about, I find myself staring at those same words. Over and over again. 
Thinking. 
What went through this guy’s head? What did he meant when he said, or should I say: wrote, this? And then again I find myself wondering why this is keeping me so preoccupied.

But it’s not like I didn't hear or see those words before. I remember one time... – this needs a little background story -
I write a lot. And due to the things I have to write for my study, I write a lot about poetic things and romantic tragedy-stuff like Shakespeare - that guy really didn't got his shit together. He’s just dabbling about whether not to write about real love or fake love or broken love or whatever love they had back in the days.

Whether to write a book or a poem or a play. Or all of them at the same time - because I have Shakespeare’s Romeo & Juliet in book-form in my bookshelf, while that’s the actual play, written in such poetic form that even my English History teacher chokes on the sentences he'd put together.

With that being said, I will move back to the topic I was really talking about. I've read those words before. 
And because I write a lot, I have this notebook. In which I write a lot of .. let's say personal stuff. I left my notebook in the library earlier this year when I started at uni. And this guy, who’s name I didn't got, brought back my notebook. I thought it was really nice.

Some part of me hoped he had read some pages. Or looked it through at least. And the other half was so anxious about someone reading anything from that notebook, because it held all my poems and sentimental-writing and book-like stories.
But when I took it from him, he smiled and I just knew he'd read something. Then I took the notebook and laid it down on my desk, with its back facing me. And it had something scribbled on it. The cover was white, so it was an easy read. It said:

These words are probably the once that make the most sense in this whole building.

You have a beautiful soul, Abelia.

(My name was on the inside, in case, which was now the case, it would get lost. So that’s something he got right.)

I was shocked and relieved at the same time.

That's when I read the words before. I still have the notebook. But never took it out again.

I am Abelia Ravenwood
And you're reading Abelia 2.0

GOODBYE